I don't know why I let so much time pass in between writing. I miss it when I don't make the time.

There is such a whirlpool of emotions rushing through me right now.

I pulled my camera out today. There were no balloons or streamers or special party dresses, just pigtails and jeans, but I don't want to miss a moment. I think it was around eleven this morning when Adam called me and told me of the tragedy that struck the Chapman family yesterday. As he spoke of the details I found myself drifting away in thought. My heart seemed to be beating a bit faster and my desire to hold my own  cinderella grew unbearably strong. I didn't have to wait long though. She pranced into the room just moments later in my shoes with her toothy smile painted across her face. She looked up at me for approval to wear the shoes, the thoughts swirling through my mind came to a stop and I looked down with a smile and my heart melted. I told her that she looked beautiful and she smiled even bigger and replied "oh, thank you mommy" a she threw her arms around me and kissed me as though I had given her the greatest gift in all the world. There is nothing sweeter. She was gone from the room as quickly as she came, off to another imaginary adventure or tea party. Left by myself I realized that my sadness had turned to joy as G-d had spoken sweet words of shalom through the arms of my little princess.

Those are the moments that I like to call G-dwinks, when G-d truly reveals to me that He knows the desires of my heart and exactly when to speak life into an otherwise dark valley.

...For I will dance with Cinderella, while she's still here in my arms...'cause all to soon the clock will strike midnight and she'll be gone... 

So this is the third day in a row. Goodness! I am about to meet my mom for dinner, so I don't have that long to sit and write, but I thought that I should write today since I leave for Helen tomorrow.

Leaving home is so bittersweet, I will have fun I know and I pray wonderful things happen at the retreat, but I can't help but miss Adam and Livi.

Today I took Livi to the Dwarf house. She was so good during my dad's appointment that I was even able to read for a bit undisturbed. I am going crazy to finish this book, I can hardly stop thinking about it. I read aloud to Adam last night from it until he feel into his peaceful slumber and then I stayed up WAY too late reading on. I am half way through it and I only have picked it up a few times, those times just tend to be long because I can't bring myself to stop. I tell myself just one more chapter and when I get to that chapter I say ok just one more....

Anyhoo, A picture from today for your enjoyment...whoever you are :)

Two days in a row... Yippee!

Wow! Two days in a row this must be some kind of record for me! I think I should celebrate, maybe with a little piece of candy from a nice waitress I recently visited with....hmmm. Anyhow. Today has been full, I guess it all started yesterday, I kind of feel like the two days meshed into one, that happens often.

Yesterday I ran around all day doing errands. Then I came home for like 20 minutes before running out the door again for Bible Study. First there was the ground breaking for our new playground, that was very exciting, especially because of the swings!!! All the excitement until two pitbulls invaded our gathering...geesh! Then Bible Study and Dr Rick taught...loved it...to every season, turn, turn, turn. Then there was a mikvah, I believe like 18 people and then much gabbing before heading home.

Adam and I got home and discussed the days frustrations and happys and then ate WAY too late! Of course Livi fell asleep on the way home so we just tucked her right into bed and then we were in bed. Adam was quick to fall asleep, but as soon as he did my book was calling to me from my nightstand, so I turned on my little light and began to read, about five chapters later I forced myself to stop in order to get some sleep.

By 9 am Livi was calling for help. She still hasn't figured out how to turn door knobs all the way, which I suppose is a blessing, though she definitely knows how to open dressings rooms and she definitely did that yesterday to me...yikes, sorry to all. Let's just say I don't think she will be doing that again! Anyhow, I dragged myself from my bed and got her and then made her breakfast and turned on the Rugrats and we sat on the couch as I closed my eyes and she watched. She woke me every now and again to give me something that she cooked in her kitchen and then would go back to her cereal.                                                             

At 10:45 or so we were off to get out to take my dad to physical therapy in towne lake. We dropped him off and headed to Toy R Us to use one Livi's birthday gift certificates and a happy coupon that Adam found in the newspaper!

After much debate Livi finally decided to purchase a new baby doll and a stroller in which to push her in. WAY TOO CUTE!

After leaving we retrieved my dad and headed for Walmart were Livi insisted on bringing in her new loot. People stop us like every five minutes to marvel at Livi and her doll stroller, it was cute (though it made it kind of difficult to shop.)

Then off to lunch at CiCi's with mi padre and Livibug and new dolly (she hasn't been named yet) and then to visit a place my dad might be renting.

Now finally I am back home and Livi is napping! Gosh, I have so much to do here, but all I want to do is read my book and lay outside in this BEA-U-TIFUL weather!!!

Ok, well I guess I should "carry-on" (said like tim Gunn -Project Runway)

I will possibly even write more later :)

Thanks Sarah for the comment and for reading...yay!

Well, It's been nearly a year since I really truly wrote a xanga entry. At one time (namely back then-the last time I wrote) I would have said that is fine and that I didn't really care if I ever got on here again, but the faithful ones to xanga have brought me back. I miss writing and there is just nothing quite like xanga. So, this is my attempt to be back!

 Life has changed a lot since the last I wrote, It seems kind of silly to try to go back and update all the big and small that has happened in between . I don't even know that anyone actually reads this, especially because of my absence, but I am ok with that. I write for me, cause I miss it!

 I used to journal all the time, what happened? hmm....oh that's right Livi- :)

There was one night that I actually sat down and wrote out an entry and never posted it, hmm...I think I will know even though it's been about two months since I wrote it.

here goes...

It was just the other night my mind was opened. It's crazy how you can go about your life doing this and that and then suddenly the simplest most mundane thing feels like it cuts you to the core. That's the only way I know how to describe it, but when I saw her drive away, she seemed so strong, so determined and so noble. As she pulled off the road my stomach sank, I knew that road, I recognized that face, I took that detor. And she wept, and so did I. I had been there before, and for that brief moment I was back there again. Then she held her head up, wiped her tears and began her journey. An adventure that is all to familiar to me. Two people walking down a dirt road and it comes to a fork, one goes one way, the other goes the opposite. By the end of the road they look back on their journey and wonder what the other path would have brought. A pause. And they move on. It was just the other night that I took that pause. It took me by surprise. And I wept. And it brings me no joy to see someone go through something so extraordinarily difficult thing, especially because it is something that I personally experienced. But there is a feeling that just comes over me. To describe it the only way I know how...it's like holding your breathe for as long as you can, right until the point when your temples start to tighten, then begin to pulsate...and just when you feel like your chest is going to explode, a long pause and then you exhale. And then you take in fresh air and you feel it make it's way into your mouth, tingle down through your torso and reach the tips of your toes.

That was my pause.

But, I believe everyone has their pause, and that was mine. As soon as it came it ended, but not as abruptly as it came. I said nothing, he just kissed my forehead and said two simple words and there was this silent understanding, he could see into my soul at that moment, there were no words to say, he said it all..."no regrets."

...

It's amazing how a movie can make you feel. Juno